The Magic Pill

There is no magic pill.You either choose to suffer or you don’t. It pains to see that people like to choose the former than the latter. because some socially conditioned self-centred ego gives us the signal that it is OK to suffer and not OK to not suffer.

What bullshit.

Well, admittedly, I was one of the pack, choosing the former than the latter. To think about it, now on hindsight, My struggles and suffering brought me to this point of awareness. My suffering, and struggles, then would have not been in vain. Nowadays i can see when i suffer and choose the latter. It is not an easy decision to make, because the ego wallow in self-pity. to be inadequate so that we will always be ‘safe’. It is a trap. It is a trap that i still sometimes fall for, but now getting out easier and easier.

So the vicious cycle continues for some. they continue to wallow in self-pity, whiney and bitchy about the whole world, and how the whole world is so unfair to them. sometimes i can see this psyche in Aikido as well. there are people who cannot see beyond the grade, and have a  wear a brown belt, think like a brown belt mentality. stuck in that circle of self-created inferiority complex. and when they encountered someone senior, by default they will submit themselves thinking that they as a junior belt will be inferior to a senior belt.

It was quite a many years before my sensei told me to take my dan grade. so during those times when i was a 1st kyu, I turned out to be more technically adept than some dan belts. And this surprises some of them, in terms of grade they got it first, in terms of hours spent in Aikido, I have longer, prior investment. Irrespective of grade, the quality shows. I don’t hide it, neither do i show it off, it is just the way it is.

Then again this is an Asian martial arts, where we are suckers for hierarchy, for a good reason, lets take an example, if i know at my level I cam better than a senior belt and I go out-of-the-way to prove it. I am going against the system. I still have to honour the senior belts even because they are the senior belts, they have to honour the junior belts because they are the senior belts. If a person sees and destroys this system, will only have an ego so big that it destroys him/herself.

It is a difficult path to follow, the path of suffering is far and wide, the path to non-suffering is narrow and deep. One wrong move, you’ll dwell in suffering, think and move consciously, and conscientiously, you’ll enjoy momentary bliss and happiness. and that brief moments is well worth the long tenuous path of suffering. so choose and choose wisely.


About Who is Randy Lim

This blog is about the journey and experiences in my life as an Aikidoka. With close to 20 years in the arts, I'll make comments and judgements based on 2 principles, E&E. Experimentation and Experiential reflection. please enjoy, and comment freely.
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