It’s a mushy thing, isn’t it? especially for a Asian to talk about it, hell, a Chinese man, so say the least.
i am no love expert. However as a practitioner of Aikido, which the first word has to do with ‘愛’. there is a thing or two which i can share and hope to bring about a perspective.
It’s not the romantic love that we all goes ‘awwwww…’ over. Love is serious business. very profound and enlightening. It is an important, if not THE most important item necessary for life.
When we talk ‘love’ we think ‘man+woman= love.’. Well, that is only a narrow aspect of love. What about ‘man+man= love?’ or man+nature=love?. Love, when defined is not longer love. But as human and being intellectually affluent, a form or structure allows us to examine the subject matter and delve into it safely. Hence, the forms and functions of love arises.
All forms of loves, starts from self. this is the most selfish form, you have to love yourself before you can love others, with this self-love, to stroke the ego and being, we cannot healthily love others, if we do not fill our own cup with love, we cannot fill others people’s cup. simple. but we all look for the greener pasture. not knowing that we are the greenest pasture of all.
It is only selfish if we love ourselves and make others love us. True self-love, makes others realise their own self-love. It’s like a lighted candle, i use my flame to light you candle, and not use your flame to bring light to me. We are our own light, and we must shine bright for ourselves, for our own paths, and along the way , we must share that light with others, and never say ‘Hey! You! Light my candle!’
Self love is very painful, when introspected. because the ego cannot face true self-love, and will become very afraid when our search brings us closer. the ego will manifest into expectations, leading to disappointment, fear, angst, and anger. the longer and painful distraction away from true love. Look beyond the pain, and love is there, love is so big that the pain will seem so minute.
True love is also not about lust. the ‘Casa nova’ stereotype is not a lover, but a womanizer. True love is equanimous, and transcend race, gender, and humanity. to live is to love, and having said that, living things will gravitate towards a person brimming with love. Sure, people copulate, which epitomizes the highest honour of love. We, humans, are messengers of true love, and our copulation is not simply a biological need to reproduce, we ‘make love’ and not ‘make life’ because, love happens before life. so it is not a matter of scientific, statistic functional propagation of the human genes.
So look into yourself, be brave! be courageous, because if you look elsewhere for love, you fail to fall in love with the greatest lover in your life, you.