Despite of all our connectivities, and technology, we are all alone. We can be married, divorced, having 10,000 friends in Facebook. we are still alone.
When you go to sleep, who sleeps? You. your spouse sleeps with you. your spouse do not sleep you. He/she sleeps his/her own sleep, he/she piss his/her own piss. Everything you do, you do it on your own, contrary to how Bryan Adams sings it. It is a selfish thought, well, guilty as charged. Even the most noble of the noble, say the Buddha, is pretty much a ‘selfish’ chap. He got enlightened first didn’t he? However, it is only after his enlightenment that he is able to bring the light to others.
so we have to face our loneliness squarely. the boon of this experience is our ability to deal with uncomfortable feelings comfortably. The negative aspects of loneliness, sometimes, gets the better of me too, that need to connect with others and sometimes i wonder why am i somewhat left out of my friend’s social circles and activities. It feels good to be one of the ‘in-group’ and in moments of my weakness, it feels good to be distracted and deluded at times. to be accepted by the masses.
Somehow, I feel that I am in a way ‘cursed’. because I can never stick with a ‘group’ for long. perhaps its a way with age, after a while, friends come and go, with family as my priority, I have little time for friends and socializing. Even then, I know of friends who live a full life, having many friends and a wide social circles.
Being predominantly introverted also contributes to my ‘loner’ persona. I’m usually quite reflective and usually subdued during group gatherings, observing, observing. So, no, i am not the life of the party. I can if i have to rise to the occasion. But i’d rather not, because i cannot feel the fullness of the connection if i have to deal with a group. I’d rather have a deep and intimate connection with a single person.