I must confess, I have been writing a lot… since i started this blog in July ’10, I’ve done about 163 posts. long, short, deep, meaningless ones, and for those who are not are not aware, WordPress do track my readership.
Remember when i first started out? I confessed that this will be a personal journal, more for my own discourse and dissertation. In short, i don’t really care what i write or who read what i write.
Now after 163 posts, I can’t help but catch myself trying to mentally. spiritually urge the readership to go up. well, i guess the ego is still at work. after 163 posts it sure feels good when there are a lot of people reading your blog, it suggests that people agrees with you! But in doing so, i am running a risk of allowing this blog to define me, instead of the other way around. the metaphorical ‘wag the dog’ syndrome.
It does feels a kind of scary, burdened by the past to make sure that i self-police into the future. I mean, come on, who is there to tell me what i write is right and what is right write? the line isn’t so clear. So far there has not been violent protests over what i write, readership is staid, and i am not doing anything else about it, except to continue writing. and having no news, is perhaps a good news that i am heading the right direction.
Well, so what if i am not? things i write today might not be there tomorrow, or might be proven wrong a couple of generations down, so when i comes down to that, does my own censorship helps? will i be able to tell what will go wrong in the future?
No I cannot, I can only write right now and see if everything i write about is somewhat reasonably sound, of justifiable context. and nothing too provocative. I don’t have to be provocative to attract attention, i just have to keep writing.