Saying Sorry

How many times have we said sorry? we’ve lost count. How many people have said sorry to us? we’ve not kept tab too. How many ways can we say ‘sorry?’ How many languages?

So what happens after sorry is said? Does it really makes things better? For example, a rapist, said ‘sorry’ to his victims. does that takes away the pain and anguish? In our modern era, it seems like we can hold onto a word like ‘sorry’ for closure, some form of signal for the cessation of the anguish. As if it is some kind of charm to take away the bad stuffs.

We’ve got to look at sorry from a few angle, one is when someone did us wrong, another is when we did someone wrong, the third, we did wrong to ourselves.

In a moment of folly, we could have done some senseless things and others got hurt in the process. So does our sorry takes anything away? In linguistics we learned something called a ‘speech act’. its a technical term that defines something we said that would actually worked out to some form of action. for example, “Turn left to get to the store.” and we can envision talking a physical left turn to get there. But a ‘sorry’. we can envision a few speech act, not limited to; a bowing action; remorseful look, a feeling of guilt and the list goes on. Well that is all an expectation, so when you apologise from your heart, it should meet all that, what happens when it doesn’t? what happens if the hurt you inflicted hurts the other party so much, (even though it’s just a small matter) no amount of ‘sorry’ from you is deemed enough?

If someone did us wrong, Whoa. here’s a different story now, we are the victim here, we can demand untold volumes of ‘sorry’ can we? Even if the hurt is just a little bit? the amount of sorry must be more and exceeding suffice to mend our bruised ego. so how much a sorry is enough for you in this case?

And if you did yourself wrong. what are you going to do? doesn’t it sound stupid to tell yourself ‘I’m sorry?’ If so, what then? if not, what can saying I’m sorry to myself do? does it mend anything?

More importantly, having said so much, is not about the sorry. Its about forgiveness. A sorry might not come, forgiveness still have to be dispensed. A person might unwittingly did us wrong, under a circumstances beyond anyone’s control. Do we ask for a sorry? if a man came with a chainsaw and crazily saw off our arm, will a sorry from a crazy man mean anything to you?

Forgive, that is what we can do, we cannot demand an apology from others, and even if we do, it wouldn’t mean much, we can apologize to others for our wrongdoings, and our apology falls on deaf ear, we must forgive ourselves from being in that situation. And if we did ourselves wrong, forgive. if you do not forgive yourself, who, then will forgive you?

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About Who is Randy Lim

This blog is about the journey and experiences in my life as an Aikidoka. With close to 20 years in the arts, I'll make comments and judgements based on 2 principles, E&E. Experimentation and Experiential reflection. please enjoy, and comment freely.
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