The day I forget to bring myself to class

It was a tiring Thursday and I really didn’t feel like training. And inside of me there is this strong voice telling me that i shouldn’t train today, this is one of those voices that i heed, it is like a 6th sense.

But I’m glad i did train, because we were doing this particular technique which looks like a ‘whiplash’ effect. It is of course hard to describe in writing, but the epiphany i got was something that blew my mind apart.

The technique requires a kind of giving that you can never give if you are yourself in training. the technique requires a certain degree, albeit a high degree of surrender. Surrendering of yourself to the technique. I look at the movement and it struck me that i should forget myself and with that thought, everything changes in class for me.

Everything settles to a level of equilibrium that will be difficult to find, if i am trying to find it, this time because i decided to forget who i am in class, i am able to find that equilibrium, and it did change my movement.

When i forget myself, I allow the other ‘self’ in me to rise, some are good selves, some are not so good selves, but what i am trying to say is that when we go to class, still wearing those hats we wore at work, or just before class, we could still be a ‘colleague’ a superintendent, a father, a student, a something and a someone. and as long as we are that someone, we cannot be, someone else. and there are time where we need to be someone else, other than the someone we are right now.

even in aikido, does it help to remember that you carry a rank of 1st kyu or dan? or you have been training for the past 15 years? or you have a background in Krav Maga? Make a deliberation to forget all that. Making a choice to forget allows your proverbial cup to be empty again, so that it can fill in much more, or you can find other empty cups you didn’t see lying around.

So when i decide to forget who i was, i felt a sense of liberation, I do not need to conform to any image of superiority, nor do i have to grunt when i screw up, everything just happens. Uke comes, uke goes, go to the nage and leave the nage. it all happens on its own time and space. there is no rush, no anticipation, it felt as if everything just falls in place, and when i was the uke, i could feel my centre better, and fall when i am actually off balanced.

The flat foot that actually bothered Randy, was no longer bothering Randy, because Randy forgot that he is Randy. Because of that forgetting of my persona, I am able to take on other forms, or allow other forms to fill the void that i left open, and in class, Aikido filled that void. No longer was i looking for an eagerness to displace my uke, there is this subtle sense of surety that my uke will be displace, yes i will use effort and so it shall be. if i have to struggle, so it shall be. there was not struggling against the struggle, the struggle rise on its own and die when there is no longer a need to struggle.

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About Who is Randy Lim

This blog is about the journey and experiences in my life as an Aikidoka. With close to 20 years in the arts, I'll make comments and judgements based on 2 principles, E&E. Experimentation and Experiential reflection. please enjoy, and comment freely.
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